In this post I’ll be summarising the results of a survey I ran for eight days, from 15th to 23rd April 2016.
The survey sought to find out how Mx is pronounced, splitting results by group. It asked people how they pronounced Mx, and it also asked whether the participant’s title was Mx, about gender identity, about location (UK and outside UK), where the participant identified on the trans/cis spectrum (if anywhere), and where the participant identified on the nonbinary/binary spectrum (if anywhere).
It was promoted mainly through Twitter, Tumblr, and Reddit - and some participants told me that they would share with interested friends too. After removing 4 abusive responses there were 505 usable responses.
Here are two more visual summaries of the responses:
I recently blogged a link to someone else’s informal results analysis of their survey into neopronouns, and they rightly said that sometimes you have to prove things that everyone already knows. This survey is no exception.
We learned that:
Cis and binary people are far less likely to know how to pronounce Mx, topped only by people whose title is not Mx.
Trans and nonbinary people are more confident about its pronunciation, and people whose title is Mx are most confident.
My experience that UK folks like the schwa and non-UK folks prefer Mix was confirmed, but I was interested to find that people in the UK are far more confident of its pronunciation generally.
And finally, out of curiosity I put together a table to compare various groups.
[Note: “Are Mx” includes people whose title is sometimes or always Mx.]
These results appear to support the hypothesis that nonbinary and trans people are much more likely to use the title Mx for themselves, which is perhaps not surprising.
It is also worth noting that 20% of nonbinary people don’t use Mx as their title, and that number is likely to be higher outside of this survey - there will have been bias due to Mx being mentioned in promotion of the survey, resulting in a disproportionate number of people taking part who use Mx as their title.
There are other curious snippets to be gleaned from this table - such as:
Nonbinary participants were much more likely to feel that the cis/trans spectrum didn’t fit them. (3% of binary respondents identified as neither cis nor trans, whereas 29% of nonbinary respondents did.)
People whose title is Mx are apparently more likely to identify with the cis/trans spectrum. (18% of participants whose title was not Mx didn’t feel the cis/trans spectrum fit them, whereas only 16% of participants who were Mx didn’t fit that spectrum.)
The 9 binary people who use Mx do so “sometimes”, but of the 10 cis people who use Mx, 3 do so “always”. These numbers are not high enough to be representative, but I found them interesting anyway.
And finally, I was reassured that there were several responses in the feedback box telling me that they had never heard of Mx. It told me that the survey had made it out of the usual small circle of nonbinary and trans followers, which I think makes the data more useful.
Thank you everyone for your support, promotion and participation! These results are more useful and more detailed than the last set, and I am grateful for everyone’s efforts. I hope this summary has been helpful and/or interesting.
i've asked so many blogs about this, but they're super busy bc i haven't gotten many answers/advice yet. i live w/ my (cis, bi) bf, &i am terrified about telling him i want to present more masc, &maybe go on t eventually. he knows i identify as nb, but i've pretty much always presented in alignment to my dgab. we both have trans and nb friends so i don't even know why i'm scared. he's the best thing in my life and i don't want to lose him because i don't feel right as just a girl. thanks
Hello!
First of all, I’m sorry you’ve had trouble getting advice on this! It sounds like a deeply uncomfortable situation. Since you haven’t exactly asked a question, I’m just going to do my best to give a little advice based on my own experience.
The fact that you both have trans and nonbinary friends is certainly a great sign that you coming out to him (if that’s how you think of it) will go pretty smoothly. Same for the fact that he knows you identify as nonbinary. The stage has definitely been set about as well as anyone could hope for.
However, you really never know. People often think they are comfortable
with something they know, and then discover when it becomes real for
them that they aren’t as comfortable with it as they thought.
My own story might comfort you. My partner and I are both trans, and I am nonbinary, but when we first met I thought she was a cis gay man. Even though I was already living loudly as a trans nonbinary person then (I had even been a mod on this blog for a long time already) she was terribly afraid to tell me the truth. I literally couldn’t have been an easier sell, and it was still scary for her. But when she did finally work up the courage and blurted it out after sex one day, and I basically said “cool, me too, I don’t feel any different” it was an amazing moment for us. Our relationship really blossomed from that point, and I acquired information that is absolutely critical in taking proper care of her.
The “lesson” here (if you can call it that) is that it’s never not going to be scary. That’s just the nature of these things. But think of it this way: it’s the anticipation that’s scary. Regardless of the outcome, positive or negative, once it’s out it can’t scare you anymore. You’ll either have a beautiful moment of acceptance and move forward in your relationship, or he’ll have a problem with it, in which case you’ll have discovered that he isn’t right for you anyway and you can start the process of healing and trying again to find someone who is. You deserve to have your lover know who and what you are, so that they are in the loop and can care for you.
On that note, please please please remember that boyfriends are replaceable. Any time a man has had even the slightest problem with my identity/body/whatever, I dumped him, ASAP. Life is short and it’s full of attractive and interesting people to date and (if you’re into it) have sex with, so if you end up having to cut him loose, don’t take it too hard. And certainly don’t let the vague fear keep you from living your truth.
is wishing you didn't have any genitals dysphoria?
Absolutely. Feeling that any part of your body is wrong and/or needs to be changed or removed, and experiencing anxiety as a result, is dysphoria. However, not all dysphoria is gender dysphoria. Whether it would stand up to the DSM V diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria (which are available online at http://www.dsm5.org/documents/gender%20dysphoria%20fact%20sheet.pdf) is therefore another question.
Since you’re on this blog, and it has to do with genitals, I would say with 95% certainty that yes, it is gender dysphoria. But as always, it is preferable to get a diagnosis from a qualified medical professional, as dysphoria is a legitimate medical condition that requires treatment.
I know some of you have questions about nonbinary people. Or opinions. Or suggestions. Or something. So many inquisitive and progressive people follow this blog, but we haven’t heard from anyone in a while!
Maybe you’ve all reached nonbinary enlightenment, and if so that’s fine, but if not, this is a lil reminder that we’re here to help/educate/complicate!
(Not that I can say I’m 100% enlightened myself, lol. Who is, really?)
XOXO Mod Amber
EDIT: If there’s something you’d like to see here that you haven’t yet, or if you have any other suggestions for livening up the place, hit me up!!
So I was wondering if you could help me? How does one know what they are experiencing is dysphoria? Like I don't know if what I'm feeling is dysphoria because it's not a strong feeling and I don't get it often. It's like a tightness in my chest and anxiety. Also, does it specifically have to be related to genitals or can it be one's voice or height or facial hair/lack of?
Hello!
There is a lot of subjectivity involved in dysphoria, so it’s very difficult for me to know what is motivating your anxiety. As a person with an anxiety disorder, I can say from experience that it can come from a million places and can even come from nowhere and parasitize whatever scary thought comes next into your mind. It can just be straight up physical, and it can also have varying levels of intensity. It’s a real bitch.
However, I can say with absolute certainty that dysphoria is absolutely NOT limited only to genitals. It can be associated with any of your traits (physical or otherwise) that you personally consider to be inappropriate for gendered reasons. Voice, height, and hair growth patterns are easily noticeable secondary sex characteristics, and are thus just as likely as genitals to cause body dysphoria. It can also be caused by non-physical things (i.e. social as opposed to body dysphoria). These can include pronouns, modes of interaction, etc.
Frankly, I feel it would be irresponsible to attempt to diagnose you; dysphoria (unlike trans status) is a medical condition that can be quite serious and is best treated under the supervision of a doctor, preferably one with expertise in the area. The plus side of this is that, because it is a medical condition, it is highly treatable. If you are unable to see such a doctor (like many/most of us are), question yourself thoroughly when you experience what you think may be dysphoria, and try to determine if the reason for it is gendered. If so, it is most likely dysphoria. Coping strategies can be found on this blog and generally all over the internet.
The last ask from @ksimmons09 really struck a chord with me and I wanted to say a few more words on the subject of not allowing harmful people in our lives.
(I’m specifically addressing nonbinary people here but this is probably the single piece of advice I would give anyone.)
As nonbinary people we are constantly surrounded by others who vehemently deny the validity of our identities. They are everywhere, and because humans don’t live that long, for us they always will be.
You are never, EVER, obligated to let those people into your life or allow them to stay there. There are some situations where we are obligated to tolerate this kind of violence from people we depend on for survival, like parents, partners, etc. But outside those bounds, my recommendation is that each and every one of you drop any person who claims to love you but also says that you are lying about your gender, sexuality, etc. If someone claims to love you but also says that you are not who/what you say you are, end the relationship immediately. You don’t need them, and they are preventing you from living fully and authentically.
Plus it’s not making you any money so it’s REALLY unwise.
How do you get out of a funk when your best friend says that what you identify as doesn't matter... "you are just bi, none of the other things you talked about "
Aww, I’m so sorry that your “friend” talked to you that way. If you haven’t already, I highly suggest completely dumping them as your friend, or at the VERY least giving them an ultimatum that they can either educate themselves and get their act together or hit the road. Never accept that kind of violence (and yes, it is violence; they’re cutting up your identity) from anyone. Only exception is if it’s something you need to tolerate for survival purposes.
As far as getting out of the funk, just keep talking to people like you! You need to hear, from as many sources as possible, that you are EXACTLY who and what you say you are, that you are entitled to be those things, and that no other opinion has any value whatsoever unless the person is paying your rent or something (and even then, just pretend to listen). Tumblr is arguably the best place for finding like-minded people (this blog is a GREAT start) so you’re in the right place. I’ll speak only for myself and let the other mods and our followers chime in if they like, but I have definitely experienced that kind of dismissal, and it really hurts. But I promise you, you’ll find a new best friend, and this time you’ll have the hindsight to avoid anyone who might treat you that way.
Anyone with any additional advice or consolation they can add, speak up!
ICYMI: Earlier this week, Boston Mayor Marty Walsh tweeted a photo of the transgender pride flag flying over Boston’s City Hall for the first time. He said it will “continue to fly until all citizens see equality under Massachusetts law,” a nod to a bill in Massachusetts that would extend nondiscrimination protections for trans people. Well done. (via the Boston Globe)
